Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize