Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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