dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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