Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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