I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
