I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
