So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
