I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
