I accidentally had phone sex last night
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
third nipple confirmed
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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