if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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