she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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