you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
