Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just invented taco cereal.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
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I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
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I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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