Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
