I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
