it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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