whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You're a waste of cheezeits
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
