Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Acid is not a monday night drug
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
