There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
