He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
