I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
