I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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