Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize