I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
