I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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