I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
