Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
