my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
