I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
