oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
