Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
