fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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