Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
