I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
