I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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