Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
