worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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