you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
