The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
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she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
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Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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