I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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