I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
