Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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