I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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