I will die if light touches me.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hippo gnu deer
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
