We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
