i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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