Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
