my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
