Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize