It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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