I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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