sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
