and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
