Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
