Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
