I'm lost and stupid without you.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
