I love black thongs
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She announced her abortion via fbk
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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