did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
