Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
