covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
