did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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