I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
