I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
