he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
