she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
