Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The struggles of a small town man whore
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
There are leaves in my underwear?
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