Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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