At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
