im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
