I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
