I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
