dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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