You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
