Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
