i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
