this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
