I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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