I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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