I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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